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Last time, Polnareff achieved revenge on his sister’s killer at the cost of Abdul’s life. How is he reacting to this tragic event?
Polnareff: Nena… You’re the daughter of a well-off family in Varanasi, aren’t you? You may be pretty, but you seem like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, too! Trust me, I’m a great judge of character! That’s why you should listen when I tell you that Hol Horse is nothing but a filthy, lying scumbag!
Nena: Oh, I see… Tell me more, sir.
Polnareff: He just wants to use you for his own rotten gains! Your parents would be heartbroken if they knew…
Nena: My parents… how could I tell them I was seeing a white man…
Joseph: What’s wrong with white people?
Cascada: Remember when you described all Indians as “curry-eating beggars and thieves?” That’s what.
Nena: Oh, my dear, noble Hol Horse… he only called us beggars…
Polnareff: That’s no way to look at things! You’ve gotta stay calm and keep an open mind. Right?
Cascada: If Abdul heard you say that, I don’t know how he’d react.
Polnareff: He would back me up! I just know it!
Kakyoin: He… it hasn’t even been 24 hours…
Joseph: Ah well… Guess I’d better go… Just make yourselves comfortable while I get it checked out.
And we’re set loose upon another poor hub town. While you can trigger the next story segment by checking the back door like usual, there’s also a hidden timer in Varanasi that’ll start the event after you’ve entered and exited the hotel four times.
Cascada: Steel, you think Polnareff has a shot?
Steel: Though he achieved his vengeance, it was at the cost of another innocent life… It’s unfortunate, but we haven’t any time to grieve. We must hurry. I can sense 3 Stand users nearby… 2 of them are Dio’s assassins. Why not take a stroll around the town until Joseph comes back? …But be careful, of course.
Cascada: Wait, there’s one not affiliated with Dio? Is it Vins?
Steel: …
Cascada: Do not you fucking dare hold out on me.
Steel: Ask around.
If we talk to the tutorial guy in the lobby…
PDB: There are miniature tanks and helicopters buzzing around outside, but it seems like they’re not under the Stand user’s control. Since the user seems to have nothing to do with it, you should try to go after him, but carefully.
Cascada: You’re off the hook for now, Steel.
Joseph’s been out of the loop for a hot minute, Abdul is fucking dead, and you readers voted both Polnareff and Kakyoin off the island. Slim pickings for The Machine, but thankfully Varanasi is one of the less extensive hubs.
In fact, we couldn’t hang with Polnareff today even if we wanted to.
Kakyoin: Thank you. Sorry I didn’t ask you first!
Cascada: Nobody in this group asks first, and I like it that way.
I’m not even taking Kakyoin along for any specific events, this is just the usual grinding session.
The Element of Freedom combo platter is still floating around and still the best combo of “easy to kill” and “gives decent EXP”.
And now we’ve got these guys, legally distinct from the Green Hornets. Without the color patch, their overworld sprite would be exactly the same.
They’ve got high speed and like to use this attack that does both solid damage and lights you on fire. Assholes.
A bunch of NPCs around here desperately want to tell you about the tar down this alleyway. You know, the tar? The tar we’ve been using in construction? It smells really bad over on the east side of town, because of all the tar. This only matters to us if we haven’t been keeping Joseph’s level up.
As Tutorial Man noted, we’ve got these little RC helicopters zooming around the map. They’re super fast and fly in a totally random pattern, so I actually chased this one down for a good ten seconds or so.
fuck you game
Also, fuck these guys.
They’re absurdly quick and love to use moves that make you lose a turn. The gun attacks are no slouch when it comes to damage, either.
Love using up a bunch of SP on a mob that’ll just bail.
Varanasi is right on the Ganges and has a ton of ghats (steps that lead directly down into the river). Some are specifically shmashana ghats for cremating bodies and letting their ashes get swept into the river.
Varanasi is pretty empty compared to some of the other hubs. Not many wacky diversions.
Cascada: Hey, miss nurse. Is Mister Joestar doing okay?
Cascada: GODDAMMIT
A brand new Murderdolls encounter and it’s the most annoying one yet. This charge attack pictured above hits the entire party and has a high chance of knocking you over, making you skip your turn.
The encounter with the Lv4 Murderdoll and one Assassin is also in Varanasi, so I guess this means Joey is back in town.
Cascada: They got you pretty good. You okay?
Kakyoin: Why, I’m doing excellently. By the way, have you ever heard of the Florence Nightingale Effect?
Cascada: Sorry, were you saying something?
Kakyoin: …er, Florence Nightingale…
Cascada: Oh yeah, didn’t they discover she was secretly Jack the Ripper?
Kakyoin: …never mind.
In addition to the helicopters we’ve also got mini tanks roving around. They’re much slower, but they’re tankier and hit harder.
A lot harder. On both party members, usually.
Fuck me I guess.
To add insult to injury, around here while screenshotting the footage is where I realized I’d accidentally moved the window too far to the right, cutting that sliver off the edge where the recording’s stuck on an earlier frame. Did you notice?
I’m forced to load a save and grind Kakyoin back from 18 to 20. Picture me running in circles and hunting down Element of Freedom encounters because fuck those tanks.
Cascada: Let me guess: the tar.
And here is our final new encounter in Varanasi.
Kakyoin: I’m sure if we just politely talk to the police, we can clear up this terrible misunderstanding.
Cascada: Shit! The pigs! Cheese it!
Our only recourse is to flee. I’m a bit conflicted because I find this a clever encounter, but I can’t deny that it’s tedious.
Kakyoin: Running just makes us look worse, Cascada!
Cascada: They’ll never take me alive!
Quick stat check. We’re about on pace, maybe a touch ahead.
Jotaro: Lotta sirens out there. What’s going on?
Cascada: Yeah, the cops think we killed someone in Calcutta.
Kakyoin: We did, to be fair…
Cascada: I didn’t do shit. It’s all Polnareff’s fault.
Polnareff: So you see Nena, they call French the “language of love”… and I am French myself… therefore, by the transitive property-
Nena: Actually, I’d like to hear more about this French “guillotine”…
Jotaro: Fuck the police.
Kakyoin: How could you say that, Jotaro?
Cascada: Agreed.
Kakyoin: Finally!
Cascada: Fuck the police!
Kakyoin: …-sigh-
Jotaro still isn’t great at long range, but he’s getting better.
Jotaro: You go in with your clothes on?
Cascada: Looks like it. A lot of people just wash their feet, though… do you want to try?
Jotaro: Huh… it smells weird, though.
Jotaro: …nah.
Cascada: Oh my god. That’s why the hotel rooms have smelled like that.
Jotaro: The water here’s dirty?
Cascada: NONE OF YOU TAKE BATHS
Tell me more about this tar substance! I just need to know more!
The upper left corner of the map has this whole little forested area. Based on a cursory glance at a real map of Varanasi, I think this is meant to be Beniya Park. Don’t quote me on that.
Off in this weird little corner is a guy poring over some documents and waiting for War Thunder to come out in 25 years.
Steel: I get the feeling that this man is a Stand user. Although I don’t think he’s realized it yet… According to my research, this man is the user of the Stand “Metalium”. The blueprints he makes take shape as automatic Stands.
Cascada: Even if he’s unaware of it, we can’t exactly let his Stand run wild…
Steel: Yes, that’s true… But if we burn or otherwise destroy these blueprints, the Stands should disappear as well.
We must protect the public. The cops sure aren’t.
We probably could have just taught this guy about Stands. Oh well.
As is often the case with this game’s mid-bosses, Henning himself isn’t much of a theat. He’ll try to inflict a lose-a-turn status occasionally or use a weak physical attack. But we’ve seen just how busted these tanks can be, and just a couple bad rolls can make this fight go south fast.
Cascada: Sorry, man.
Jotaro: …Such a waste. I’ve never seen this much attention to detail in a blueprint before.
Jotaro: Yeah… But because of your ability, people have gotten hurt. You know how to control your Stand now, right? If I find out you’ve been using it to attack people, I won’t hesitate to beat the piss out of you.
…all’s well that ends well!
I pick up a few curatives at the 7-11 (there were no 7-11s in India until 2021) before we wrap things up around here by visiting Joseph.
Where have we heard that laugh before?
Cascada: …Admitted? I thought he just had a bug bite?
Cascada: ? …I don’t feel sick or anything…
Cascada: goddammit
Cascada: …-sigh-… if Abdul were here, he’d have better one liners…
It’s really convenient that Power Rangers hit it big westward. It means we can transfer over a bunch of Super Sentai jokes basically unchanged.
Cascada: I WILL FUCKING END YOU
Losing control of Cascada’s actions is actually a huge problem, because this boss will fuck you up. The gimmick here is that only one Joey is “real” and will end the battle when killed, but all of them have the same stats and annoying attacks. It’s the same one every time (the fourth), but you don’t really have any way of knowing that beforehand.
Bazookas do heavy damage, almost always inflict BlowBack status (making you lose a turn), and also light you on fire.
Jotaro got a neat new move during the offscreen grinding session, at least.
Sometimes all it takes is one lost turn, I swear to god.
Cascada: Quicksilver!!
Cascada: …-sharp inhale-
Jotaro: Tch… he got away…
Cascada: AHHHHHHHHHHH
We’re dropped outside the “hospital” across the street from the inn, and that’s a wrap for Varanasi.
Jotaro has pulled way ahead in the level and FP rankings, probably because he’s been around for most of mid-bosses lately. We gotta get Joseph back in the game or he’ll be left in the dust. Wouldn’t be right!
We’ll check back in with the old timer… next time. See you again!