About two or three years ago I started working on a short story about that was sorta a self other insert of an old guy I used to work with.
It’s set in space, because his acutal name is ray and I thought Ray Gamma would be a cool name for a space hero typea guy, and this story sorta dovetailed with a video game idea I had around the same time, so this also helped me build some lore for that in case I ever felt like making it real.
It just sorta sat untouched for years cuz this happens with projects sometimes, but a talk with an IRL friend encouraged me to finish it.
Please tell me what you think, even if you have some criticism. Fiction writing isn’t my strong suit, and I could use some tips in case I decided to make a sequel.
Fun to read and generally well put together. I think my only criticism is that you’ll write something that requires some exposition and then immediately write a paragraph giving the entirety of that exposition, like you did with the gems, the PTP, etc. I also tend to do that a lot in my own writing, cause I get excited about the worldbuilding and wanna talk about it, but in my experience as a reader I prefer to just be given a very basic explanation (or no explanation) at first and fill in information through context and maybe have some clarification later on as specific things come up. Still, nice work, I really enjoyed it!
I like it! For criticisms I agree with what Revie said, other than that there’s just some general writing errors that just require an editing pass, like some typos and formatting misses and a couple instances of the tense switching to present. I really like small-scale stories in grand settings like this, and I thought this was a fun read. :) The dumbass robot boy was a really funny conflict starter.
Thanks, ill take that into consideration. This was the first time i wrote something of this world on paper, so i probably took a few liberties on the exposition. I appreciate yall reading it.
I liked it a lot! I especially found the overall scenario delightful because it’s over the top while feeling very believable, especially given the advanced technology.
The narration hits at this classic Buck Rogers type of sci-fi man of action but by being explicitly supportive of the type of people that would be side characters in such a tale with the main antagonist being like a “hero” type it has this nice satirical edge.
I also felt like there were certain parts that could have done with an editing pass, but nothing too major. Like I notice some punctuation stuff, and some passages that kind of lost… I don’t know… The cohesion of the narrative? (I’m high and tired now, though so that may be me.)
Either way, very good work and a fun read and I’d be glad to see a second part! :3