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Last time, we ate our way across Hong Kong’s food scene. Our last stop is the Jade Garden.
This definitely won’t be a problem when I have to load a save 75% into this update.
The cameos are coming hard and fast in the Jade Garden restaurant. The core cast of Part 5 is in the upper right corner, tricking its main character into drinking piss (I am 100% serious). Meanwhile, at the bottom right is young Joseph Joestar from the beginning of Part 2, when his grandmother tells him to beat up a racist at an Italian restaurant.
Part 5 also takes place in Italy, so I guess Jade Garden serves Chinese and Italian food?
Joseph: I knew it! There’s no way it’d be that easy… we’ll have to strike air travel off the menu for now. If we get attacked by a Stand in the air again, we could put even more people’s lives at risk! That leaves us land and sea! Those are the only safe ways left to travel!
Abdul: We can’t afford to endanger Holly any further…
There used to be a restaurant near me that supposedly sold “ravioli”. It was actually a wonton soup restaurant that decided to make its sign via some kind of automated translation.
Joseph: I’m well aware.
Kakyoin: I was simply marveling at that most incredible of modern inventions, the aeroplane. Which you crashed.
Joseph: I didn’t punch a racist so hard his finger went through his nose during the war to take lip from you, kid.
I was at a workshop once and the restaurant had an “Asian pork taco” on the appetizer menu. I live in the greater Los Angeles area, so fusion cuisine is nothing new to me. Kogi truck is a local institution.
When the food came out, it was a gua bao.
They also made a shitty movie with Jackie Chan in it.
Joseph: Even without airplanes, we should be able to reach Dio in less than half that time. Here’s what I’m thinking… If I can charter out a ship, we can take it all the way around Malaysia and through the Indian Ocean. Sort of like the Silk Road of the sea!
Abdul: I agree with this plan. If we go by land, there’s things like deserts, the Himalayas… All kinds of complications, basically.
Jotaro: …bet I could climb Everest with Star Platinum.
Cascada: 2000G says you don’t even reach base camp.
Kakyoin: I’ll match that… but perhaps AFTER we’ve defeated Dio?
Jotaro: Same here.
Cascada: And here.
Kakyoin: Oh, you don’t know? In Hong Kong, this means “refill, please”.
I was taught to flip the lid upside down rather than just put it off-kilter.
Kakyoin: Then, after they bring more tea, you tap on the table twice to say thanks.
You also do this when someone is pouring you tea. The youngest person at the table (so, in my family, me) has to pour tea for everyone else. The origin of this is allegedly that when the Emperor was travelling incognito to practice his tea pouring, his attendants would do this instead of bowing directly, which would give up his identity.
Cascada: Wow, you know a lot about this stuff…
The man at the bar with a crazy haircut walks over to the table.
Jotaro: Go bother someone else.
Joseph: Hey, Jotaro, no need to be rude!
Jotaro: It’s my whole THING, gramps.
Joseph: -sigh- Excuse him.
Cascada: The comedy music is playing, but I see no problem with this.
???: Ordering frog, simply because I am French? You needn’t have.
When I was a kid, getting a whole steamed fish was the family’s go-to celebration / special occasion meal. Any leftovers went into my father’s juk the next day.
I don’t think about this often because it has always been a fact of life to me, but at sit-down Chinese restaurants you’re generally ordering dishes to be shared among the whole table. There’s usually a lazy susan in the center so you can rotate all the food and choose from what’s available.
Jotaro: …
I went “hah!” out loud when this happened. The catchphrase pops up just rarely enough that I forget about it every time, and it’s also just a silly catchphrase to say ruefully.
The music fades from the “wacky” theme into the “danger” theme as the text appears here. It’s a nice touch.
Cascada: D-don’t tell me…
Kakyoin: Are you a Stand user!?
The interrobangs in this game are all exclamation-question, but my natural inclination typing them is question-exclamation. Messing me up.
Abdul: Mr. Joestar, get out of the way!
Joseph: It’s a Stand!
???: My Stand represents the Chariot arcanum… I call it “Silver Chariot”!
???: Mohammed Abdul… It looks like it wants to take you on first… See the table over there? I’ve carved a clock out of it using your flames. When they reach 12, I will kill you!
Abdul: That’s some unbelievable swordsmanship… I’ve never seen anything like it. But taking me down before the clock strikes 12… Don’t you think you’re giving yourself a little too much credit? Mister, er…
Polnareff: Call me Polnareff!
Abdul: Monsieur Polnareff… My flames are not like typical ones. Don’t think that they can be blown by the wind, or that they only burn upwards… These flames bend to my will. That’s why I call my Stand Magician’s Red!
Cascada: -whispering- DO they say that, Kakyoin?
Kakyoin: -whispering- I, uh, believe it is a French legend…
Polnareff: However… You seem to think I’m all talk. Maybe this will change your mind… Too much credit, he says… Ha!!
Jotaro: No… Take a closer look!
Kakyoin: He pierced Abdul’s flames, too!
Abdul: I-I see… You pierced my flames along with the coins…
Polnareff: It seems you understand why I did this.
Polnareff: I am considering opening a food truck, but I am not sure how many people are willing to try flaming nickel kebab…
Polnareff: My card, the Chariot, symbolizes victory and acts of aggression. In a crowded place like this, it would sweep the floor with you… But your Stand’s ability works best in wide open places, does it not, Abdul?
Polnareff: Such a one-sided battle isn’t becoming of a noble Stand like mine. Shall we even the odds a bit? Why don’t we take this somewhere a little less cramped? Allow me to show you to your deathbed…
Imagine me, in real life, taking a deep, rueful sigh right now.
Abdul: So Tiger Balm Garden is our battlefield…
I feel like the three sculptures at the bottom (usually covered by the text box) have to be references of some kind, but I can’t place them. Sound off in the comments.
Tiger Balm Garden was a real theme park full of garishly-colored statues and whatnot, but it was torn down and replaced with a housing development in 1998. I vaguely remembered going there despite this, but it turns out I was remembering its sister park in Singapore: Haw Par Villa.
Polnareff: Here, you will be undone by your own Stand’s power…
Abdul: …
Cascada: He seems pretty nonchalant about all this…
Jotaro: Abdul…
Abdul: Stand back, Jotaro… It’s as he said. My Stand performs best in open places such as these.
Polnareff: Do what you will. I’ll eliminate all of you in due time, anyhow.
You can in fact, just gang up on him and kick his ass, but your dishonorable actions lower everyone’s FP. Letting Abdul handle it raises his FP (and it’s how the fight went in the manga), so we’ll do that for now.
Polnareff is a speedy guy, so Abdul starts the fight with the CantFind condition, just like when we were up against Tower of Gray. Remember, it means only all-target attacks can hit.
Any time he hits you, CantFind has a chance to wear off, but Polnareff can re-apply it at will. In fact, we want him to, because it means he isn’t spending that turn killing us.
This doesn’t seem like a lot of damage, but once Polnareff moves up to short range his basic attack hits twice, which means twice the chance of an unlucky crit. Our only recourse is to repeatedly spam Fire Wall and use potions as necessary. Remember, we haven’t had a chance to grind up anyone other than Cascada.
To be clear, there is no consequence for losing this fight other than the EXP, but I have my pride. I load my save… three times.
Finally, Abdul gets it done.
Polnareff: Why don’t you take a look behind you?
Joseph: Ah! Abdul! Look!
Polnareff: Hmhm… It goes nicely with the rest of the statues in the garden, don’t you think?
Abdul: …Looks like I’ll have to get serious.
Abdul: The previous three times did not count.
Polnareff: Ooh, this is getting interesting! Get ready!
