thanks to jimmy carter for dying and giving me the day off
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woah apparently just compartmentalizing something for months doesnāt actually make it go away 
? thatās fuckin crazy i never would have guessed. /j
(i have contacted our therapist to book a session.)
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Same! Using the day to hang with my best friend.
Thanks Jimmy.
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I just had Barqās vanilla no sugar root beer and this shit is ASS
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i forgot about that brand for a moment and thought Barquq had a root beer recipe somewhere that you were just insulting out in the plain
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I would have HIGH expectations if Barquq made pop /j
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Mostly have been struggling to fix my sleep schedule and process the events of the world and their overlap with me. They moved my start date back by a week, which is annoying because I want the money, but it gives me more time to get ready.
e: oh the choir had a clothing exchange yesterday and I showed up to help and grabbed a few new tops and a skirt. :3
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Yesterday was so shitty i really wanted to drink myself silly, but I chose better for myself and went to round 1 instead. I made the right choice, despite the long trip and the near scare of losing something. It ended up being a great night.
P.S. I hate that for another year in a row Iām on the way to doing another dry January. It just seems like a yuppy fad for yuppies and I donāt wanna be apart of that cohort, but my very responsible rules about drinking have put me in this predicament for a 2nd year in a row
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: plurality is fun because it frequently takes something odd-but-not-strange or metaphorical that singlets do (ie; taking a plushie to work or school for emotional support) and literalizes the hell out of it (ie; taking a plushie to school or work because the small cat in my brain has seperation anxiety and this helps her (and by extension the rest of us) calm down a bit)
āHealing Your Inner Childā is both a lot easier and a lot harder when there is a literally child in there rather than a metaphorical one!
E: to be clear, the plushie thing is how my day is going so far: broadly positive and with a soft thing to squish now and again
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yeah the literalism is always interesting and sometimes funny. totally different than what ur talking abt but often our self-perception and phantom sensations of our internal forms change depending on our emotional state (literally feeling physically smaller when sad/scared, humming with electricity when happy/energetic, sharper and more monstrous when angry/self-loathing).
and re: plushies: we havenāt been cognizant of headspace in a while but when we were, one of our self-soothing techniques at work and stuff was to create a copy of one of our plushies in there to hold. the plushie anywhere system!
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: love fatfingering the buttons on mobile oTL
What i was TRYING to say was āsame re: feeling physically different depending on emotional stateā, especially with phantoms involved (and in reaction to other stimulus like rain or cold or headmate interactions). Its really cool! I love how easy it is for the brain to mold its own proprioception depending on the situation, its one of the reasons humans are so good at tool use :D
God that sounds useful though with the plushiesā¦we are sadly tethered to the material plane with those 
its fine tho, we get to hold a soft bear or puppy either way :3
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oh that makes sense! and yeah it is cool. proprioception is actually our strongest internal sense. our brain struggles with having the bandwidth to process the five senses internally, so really weāre best at feeling orientations and pressures and presences of each other.
honestly itās for this reason that in retrospect i think itās possible that trying to form a more concrete headspace for us might have been kind of detrimental. weāve never actually been able to (easily) see or speak to each other in it, and the ability to sense others with proprioception is diminished, so we theorize that trying to make things concrete and rely on those other senses kinda cut us off from each other in a way.
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I love how a head hold + sleep apnea means my head gets pumped full of air when I try to sleep and gives me a nasty pressure headache all day. Itās cool, to me.
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just take around 4 hours to do a task that usually takes closer to 1. I did complete it though!
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work beat my ass this week bc of all the snow weāve gotten (āGOT TO GET THE BREAD AND MILKā āAND ALSO MY MEDS RIGHT NOW THIS SECONDā) but iām off the weekend so thatās. Nice. and iām in Adellās lancer campaign rn so iām doing better 
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had a medium-rancid day but now Iām home and can chill. 
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Pretty decent! Going to see if I can ādevelopā a bunch of photos from cons and events Iāve been at lately. aaa
I have been taking photos far, far faster than Iāve been processing them.
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smashes through the door like kool-aid man IM HAVING A REALLY GOOD DAY SO I MUST COME PUT IT ON RECORD
nothing especially big happened: after an anxiety then asthma attack that wouldnt let me sleep i was ready for this day to be the PITS but i went to acupuncture, had the best sleep of my life (where in certain dreams abusers were demolished and thats always great), ate enough throughout the day (RARE FIND), and now im gonna have date night with my gf (i usually feel anxious about it until we get there but rn theres a sense of likeā¦well ive done all i can do from my end and weāre gonna celebrate that)!
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slightly gross i think i have an ulcer on my gums which is so annoying but there isnt much i can do besides rinse with saltwater probably
besides that its nice i dont have any impending deadlines/exams for the first time in a while
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I guess itās corny to make a response to this thread when the dayās just started, but Iāve managed to feel quite more uplifted a bit after a less than stellar waking up. Also the cat was meowing loudly for me, so I came downstairs and she was purring and hovering all over me.
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